Is she a prim and proper woman who is never seen without a hair out of place, her make up on, looking tidy and well dressed? Does she ever speak out of turn, or swear or resemble any behavioural mannerisms of a man? No... Miss Lady never passes gas, never acts like a man, gets involved in fights, acts independent or is seen sneaking into the men's bathroom to take a quick pee.
Therefore I am not a lady.
However, I'm not the 'Trunchbull' (from the Movie Matilda)... she (or should I say he-she) is a man with a vagina. I am sure her breast bumps in her top are actually from heaps of chest hair - a woman with too much testosterone.
This is a 'woman' gone horrible wrong.
But just because I am not exactly a 'lady' does this make me a man?
I hardly ever wear make up during the day and prefer wearing my Husband's fleece jersey than a smart jacket. Sometimes I forget to pluck my eyebrows and have made a few trips to the men's bathroom when the ladies' line was too long. I do get involved in fights - well when close men in my life are about to get involved. I'm not afraid of a man's punch, nor afraid to spit in a guy's face.
Or does this make me empowered? Fearless and ballsy?
Maybe to the 'old' patriarchal man, all woman should be submissive. Fuck that. I spit on your face 'eh.
I think there's a definate line between being a lady and being the Trunchbull. I'm smack in the middle. And hey... I don't think most men actually like a lady. They like their woman with junk in the trunk, bed hair and a voice (to tell them when they are being an arse and to just shut the hell up.) They want to know that their woman will stand up for them and be able to get a smack in the face in the name of love.
My husband says, "I'd rather you take care of me, then you take care of you." (awww, us woman like to care of our men.) He then adds, which is a great point I might add, "If you spent 3 hours a day getting ready, it would drive me mad!" You see.... I'd rather spend those 3 hours rather doing something naughty with him. Men... you choose... waiting for your wifey to get ready... or spend that time canoodling?
At the end of the day, I know when to be a lady and I know when to be the Trunchbull. There's a time and place for both types of a lady. But hey, when called for it... I'll tell you to go jerk off even when I'm in my high heels and sporting red lipstick.
