Turkey Skin

Introducing turkey skin...

No, I am not referring to the skin on your Christmas turkey (how convenient as we are in the Christmas season and you are all stuffing your faces with it.)

Introducing this turkey skin...



I am sure you have all met this old granny in the movie 'There is something about Mary.' I must say how attractive she is with her saggy tits and wrinkly skin (on her face and neck,... in fact all over!) Yes, I am sure she gets some male pants rising.

This granny should be the poster child for tanning - surely she would be able to entice people to lather themselves with mountains of oil and roast themselves continuously in the sun. (See, as depicted above, she still has the ability to carry this out very well... even in her old age.)

I warn people about her.

One person in particular - my sister.

Leigh: I am going to get my Kim Kardashian tan on
(*PLEASE NOTE that she is Armenian by the way - they are natural olive skinned)

Stacey: Be careful or else you will end up with turkey skin

Leigh: I use loads of SPF 30

Stacey: With the sun, and global warming, that won't make a difference (*I didn't say that to her, but thought it)

Stacey: You look like Winnie Mandela (No racist inclination intended here - just getting the point across that my sister is Caucasian, yet with her tanning, is borderline black)

Leigh: More like Beyonce

Leigh: Well your uncle is Powder

Now, you all know Powder - that white, I mean opaque, man in the movie 'Powder'.

Introducing (below) my uncle, Powder...



I am proud to be related to this man (note the sarcasm that he is my uncle)

Yes, I would admit that my skin is so white and opaque that it reflects when the sun hits it. I am proud of that.

I don't intentionally tan. EVER. NEVER HAVE. NEVER WILL.

Even in the Summer season as we are in now and the sun is always out, I stay in doors. OK, I'd admit, I lay in the sun for 5 minutes today (trying to get some sort of colour on my legs) - but as the sun touched my white-ass skin, it bounced back. OK, 5 minutes - that's enough for me.

I'd rather look like powder now, so that later when I'm 90 I'll look wrinkle free, like Snow White's sister. Wasn't Snow White the fairest of them all (implying how beautiful she was.)

Yes, Snow White seems like a better option! And in saying that, yes, I'll leave the turkey skin to the actual turkey.

Christmas Dinner on 30 Dec

Yes, I know I am far behind on the Christmas agenda.

(PS: Merry Christmas to you all you blog followers.)

It's the day before New Years and I am celebrating Christmas once again.

Bring on the stuffed turkey (with its 10 000 calories), roast potatoes and veg. (No these are not the left overs from the 25 Dec Christmas) And yes there is a plastic crown to wear on my head and a cracker to crack (I didn't have one of those on Christmas.)

I am excited.

Whose feastin' tonight?

Tooth Fairy

They say children with a missing tooth look cute.

Try a 24 year old... and your answer is... NO.

This is me today.

My front bottom tooth fell out whilst eating pizza. Oh my Fuck!

Bring on the water works!

But wait, I could use this gap as a cigarette holder, ain't that nifty!

I couldn't actually believe it. Fuck the tooth fairy - I don't want your money and I don't want to give you my tooth.

I raced to the dentist like a snake on steroids. (Don't forget that the water works are flooding during the drive...)

I was lucky enough that the dentist could help me, although was not to comforting. But hey, I lost my broken off piece of tooth somewhere in the dentist chair. Whose the bitch now? A little gift for my appreciation.

I now have a temporary tooth (not correctly sized though) and a mental scar.

You dream about loosing your tooth in your nightmares and not once do you think this will happen. Oh my fuck

I don't want to sport the "beggar/bergie" look thank you very much.

Leigh (my sister)... I have lived out your worst nightmare...