The pig

Sometimes in life you come across 'The Pig'.

The egotistical arsehole that gets a kick out of 'being the man', treating people like shit and trying to portray the 'awesome' person he/she apparently once 'was'.

The pigs habits:

1. Having sudden outbursts of childishness in the form of playing stupid pranks on others
2. Flirting with other 'pretty people' who are in a position where they have to positively respond
3. Professing stories of it's many, many (MANY) accomplishments, rewards, people (or other pigs) it knows
4. Ignores 'normal' pigs

The pigs likes:

1. Getting its ego rubbed (24 hours a day/7 days a week/365 days a year)
2. Pretty pigs
3. Being superior
4. Belittling others indirectly (but knowing full well it is doing it)

The pig dislikes:

1. People who have a mind and a voice
2. Being told off, or being confronted
3. People who show independence, dominance, intelligence

How to handle the pig (before giving the pig a lecture):

1. Grab a baseball bat
2. Swing hard and far
3. Aim for the face
4. Point and laugh

How to lecture the pig (when down on the floor in pain):

1. No you are not toned and have muscles... they have turned to fat... clearly
2. You're not clever... you are down right fuck'en stupid
3. You have friends that are younger than you... to make you feel better in yourself
4. Nobody actually likes you... behind your back... EVERYONE HATES YOU!

And no I won't stand for it... I won't stay in your pig sty.

If it were to me, you'd become pork.

This little piggy went to market, this little piggy stayed home, this little piggy had roast beef and this little piggy had none. YOU'RE KNOWN OF THESE PIGS... you're the bacon rashes on my plate.