Young dogs, new tricks

I've always worked hard. I've always believed subconsciously that I needed to work days, nights and weekends. I've done it for almost 10 years now, since the age of 18. On the verge of turning 28, this habit, now ingrained in my brain, is creating an internal stir.

In a nutshell, for the past two years specifically, I've freelanced, hopped like a rabbit from job to job, and had about five jobs at one time. With all my eggs in different baskets, I had different income streams. No, this did not mean that I was loaded and shitting money. I just had a backup plan. Although money has always been an issue, I always had comfort knowing that my next freelance job, face painting job or writing article was around the corner. That somehow, through the grace of God, I would get through the month.
However, the past two months have pushed me to go back full time. My car broke down and had to be fixed, my husband was a house husband and we were basically living off what I could bring in. In severe debt and getting tired of bread crusts and water, an opportunity came up for both of us to go back full time. It was through these past two months that I realised that living the hippie/bohemium life is not appropriate in a time where bread costs a fortune and petrol prices are making us broke. I had always strived to go against the grain, to work for myself and to make it work. But I was knocked badly with the reality stick and had to swollow some truth pills.
Now back full time and loving my job, and freelance jobs and face painting becomes something of the past, I'm feeling this restlessness. It's weird for me to have my nights and weekends free, to be able to enjoy myself and spend time with the things that matter instead of racing around on the weekend in a clown suit and looking like a complete fool. Spending nights watching TV is like sitting like the energiser bunny on full load, restless and annoying. I'm used to working nights, making my laptop my best friend instead of my family. I'm used to not looking forward to the weekend. And now, having one job, is a completely new change in my life. I am young, so I can learn new tricks. It's just an adjustment. My heart is loving this new way of life, yet my brain and my past issues, are internally screaming at me saying "you should be working like a dog! You should be compensating for your low self esteem!"

Besides the restlessness I can't seem to come to grips with the fact that I only basically have one salary coming in now. How can people be worry-free and last the whole month with only their salary, and no opportunity to bring in money for the rest of the month? Like cheese, this is foreign to me. But maybe it just requires a little common sense and budgeting. There's also that fear of being fired, which I never had as I always had something to fall back on. But maybe it's a good thing to worry, to put your all into a job that you love. To have one focus instead of being a jack of all trades. To care about something so much that it drives you to be better. After all, with my husband also bringing in a salary and my monthly expenses being reduced quiet considerably, I can survive with my income and live comfortably (I think.)

At the end of the day, this is the change my heart wanted and now that I am living the 'normal' life, maybe I can pat myself on the back and say well done for making responsible changes and choices.