The art of baby making

Right... so after numerous attempts to try and place images on this blog, it has failed. Just as I have not mastered the art of posting images on this blog (it used to work!)... so have I not been able to master the art of baby making.

Seems as if one needs to go to 'baby-making' school (but hey, maybe the school is like Hogwarts!)

The universe is one funny thing. Growing up I have always been the paranoid type. Give me a worry and I'll be sure to worry about it. Give me a thought and I think it right through. Give me a minor problem and I'll be sure as fuck to make it into a mountain. I have always stressed about falling pregnant since being with Mr Woensdregt... always used double, even triple, precaution and worrying myself sick before my red friend was supposed to arrive. Google, Google, Google, stress, stress, stress, smoke, smoke, smoke. It WAS a worry in my life... I didn't want to fall pregnant at that time and did everything in my power to stop it from happening.

8 years later.... What the hell was I worrying about?

I have been off the pill for two years... (no condom, no precautions) ... two frigg'in years and still no baby. Still no minature Woensdregt running around with tiolet paper hanging out its little bum. Still no pregnant belly. Still nothing.
I shit you not, if I had known then what I had known now, I would have never wasted my money on the contraceptive pill, or destroyed any type of sensation from using condoms. My pocket and sex episodes would have been a lot better! The universe would have played a cruel, sick-ass joke on me... Here Stacey... worry yourself sick about something that might never happen.

Now I am not saying I can't fall pregnant. I have not been tested yet, neither has the Mr jerked off in a cup (lucky cup!) So faith and hope is still there. All in good time my son, all in good time.

It's just funny. Growing up into puberty all girls want is their red friend. Since being introduced, and from the time a female becomes sexually active, all she hopes for is that is comes for its monthly visit. It just has to come. As a young adult trying to fall pregnant, all a lady wants for it is to go away, to be welcome a baby. Then we grow old and frail and wish we'd have our red friend around instead of the dreaded menopause. Our red friend is both our friend and enemy. Shame, poor red friend. You only want it around when it suits you. Selfish bitches!

Now all I want for my red friend is to go away. But like clockwise, there she is, showing her ugly face at the beginning of every month. I feel like Charlie (in the Chocolate factory)... buy a pregnancy test and hope, and pray, that it turns out positive. Just as Charlie searched all the chocolate bars to find his golden ticket... so will I search all the pregnancy tests for a positive result. I buy them so much now it's like buying milk. "Hi yes, I'd like to 2 litres of milk and a pregnancy test." I am making my local stores bloody rich!

I used to clock watch, time my ovulation, have scheduled sex and really make an effort to fall pregnant. Men... if you want a great sex life hook up with some one, or marry someone, who wants a child. You'll never ever have blue balls, but your penis must be worse for wear. Now a days, and for the past few months, I haven't tried to fall pregnant. I've just kind of forgotten about it. It'll happen when it's right I guess.

So to all the ladies out there who are trying to fall pregnant.... I hear ja. I hear ja loud and clear. It's frustrating. But hey... at least we get to try all the different sex positions that could 'improve chances of falling pregnant." I am not complaining (neither is Chris.) So I'll keep watching TV with my legs up (ladies... you know what I mean), keep hoping that my period won't arrive and that one day I'll get my 'golden ticket'.

It's just so wierd... we spend our lives worrying about things that may never happen. Clearly. So stop the worrying, hump like rabbits and we'll all be as lucky as Charlie.