Oh the devil beware.
My car has been around the block. She's nine years old, but has the grace and dignity of an 80 year covered in horse shit. I can not, in any means, try and excuse her outer and inner appearance on age alone. I am at fault.
Pulling out the magnifying glass...
Clue 1: It is clear by the cigarette burns on the seats of my car that she serves many a purpose. Not only as a form of transport, but also as an ash tray. The funny thing is, I am the driver of the car and there's cigarette burns on the back seat. So to those who smoke at the back of the vehicle, may I please so kindly sit in the back of your car and so carefully burn the seats WITH A BRANDING IRON!
Clue 2: Yes my car is dirty, mainly because of the dust (and because of the empty coffee cups that line the floor). But hey, I'd rather drive around in a dustbin then throw it out the car. You see... a dirty car means you are environmentally friendly. It is evident that with the tables and chairs in the back seat (even though it's a small car and it's like squeezing cheese through a keyhole) along with the laptops, books, face painting equipment and other items of different sizes that Stacey is a busy person, and one that partakes in many a things. She's also a good packer of things and could properly fit an obese person into XS spanks.
Clue 3: My car, my dear old second bedroom, has enjoyed many nights back in the day, with me passed out in it. I kept her company and she gave me a place to rest my drunken ass. Luckily there are no slobber patches or duvet covers, but the pictures of me in this comfy position will tell the tale.
Clue 4: Before I get into this clue, let me first tell you that A. I would never wear those shoes... we're not in the 1940's. 2. The chick wearing THOSE shoes would never be with a man in THOSE shoes. So, in this case... a picture tells a million lies. But back to the clue. Finger marks on the windows and a witness or two (mainly a car park guard) may tell of a few sexual actions being performed in this car, but lips are sealed. Shame, my car has played third wheel in these instances a few times. Shame, her poor eyes (or should I say head lights!)
Clue 5: Scratches against the side of the car and broken back light. This clue would naturally make one think that Stacey is a bad driver. Beep. W.r.o.n.g. This would mean that other people are bad drivers, either banging into my car and driving off, or that it was the STUPID POLES FAULT. But hey, a car always looks a bit better with a little bit of dents - it makes for uniqueness I think.
Clue 6: Broken/scratchy speakers. This would depict loud music playing, broken ear drums or heightened emotions. Yes, Stacey has partied hard in this car, listened to hard metal and hit the steering wheel when raged or deeply vexed and has sung loudly to depressing music when heart broken. My car and her once-working-properly speakers have in a sense been my therapist. Through the hard times, the good times and the fuck-off-and-die time, she's been there for me. And gratitude must also be paid to the steering wheel. I am sorry I have laid hands and fist on your, but you're resilient and can take it.
Clue 7: No treads on tyres and high km number. My car and I have travelled many a places, been through a lot, and even though you'd expect a car of her age and make - the wing wongs are known to make shit plastic cars - we're still going. Bumps and all, we're still driving on our paths creating memories.
So whilst you all are buying your zooped up new cars that are prestine inside and out, my Kia Picanto and I may not be driving in style, but we're driving with memories. And you can't put a price on that. Literally and metaphorically, she's priceless. And I love her.
So happy driving until next time, and don't forget to make memories in your car!
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