I know

Although there are third world countries with starving children and epidemics popping up everywhere, I still have my problems. And although they may seem insignificant when comparing the two.... everyone's problems are big to themselves. So before you read this post and think I'm a self-centred asshole, and my problems are small.... just remember that we all have problems (and you have to help yourself first before helping others.)

This post titled I know, revolves around the concept of money and what I know. No, I am not your accountant nor do I know how to budget (as how can you budget with no money esp when you can count your pennies on one hand.) This is for my fellow struggling generation who can find some humour in the frustration of not having money.

I know

I know how it feels when you have to look at the menu at a restaurant and claim you're on a diet when you order the cheapest salad on the menu.
I know how it feels when you feel cheap for asking friends to buy you drinks and fear that they will never invite the group 'hobo' to the next event.
I know how it feels when Two Minute Maggie noodles becomes your staple diet and your body starts rotting away from lack of Vit C.
I know how it feels when you run out of juice and opt to squeeze oranges into your glass of window and bullshit yourself that its Fanta.
I know how it feels when you're driving on fumes and talk to your car in the hope that it will go further.
I know how it feels when you have R10 left on your bank card and drip sweat when you try and buy eggs, hoping that the word DECLINE doesn't come up on the card machine.
I know how it feels when you go to the shops looking for the cheapest ingredients, even if it means you buy cardboard cheese puffs instead of Parmesan.
I know how it feels when you have to pick up 'stompies' in the wet garden when you have no smokes to puff on.
I know how it feels when you have R200 and have to buy dog food, human food, smokes and petrol. An impossible feat.
I know how it feels when you have to ask for money and feel your integrity and pride wash away like beach sand.
I know how it feels when your ears are raped from regular calls from debt collectors and you develop an aversion to your mobile phone.
I know how it feels when you look at your bank balance and your heart sinks with the R0.00 appear on the screen.
I know how it feels when you wear broken shoes for ages but keep reminding yourself that it broke today.
I know how it feels when someone asks you how much it is to fill your petrol tank and you respond with "I don't know, it's been a while."

But being aware of all the above has its pro's.

I know that I am proud when I get money in, when I pay a bill or buy something... knowing that I did it, me, myself and I. I'm greatful and surprized when additional money comes in. I feel that extra bit of magic and happiness when I have money to spend on something I want to spend it on. I value money more and when I become rich, or better off even, I'll appreciate it. Then the above will change to the below:

I know how it feels when I have enough money to be able to help others out and loan them money in their time of need.
I know how it feels when my debts are paid off and I no longer receive calls from those collectors.
I know how it feels when I have extra savings in my account in case something happens.
I know how it feels when I can spend money on special things that feed the soul and brighten the smile.
I know how it feels when I can buy stuff that will enhance my house, my future, my car.
I know how it feels to have the sense of pride and honour back. To no longer have to ask others for help.

To others like me who are struggling financially, we'll get there. We will.