Pick me, pick me

Tanya and Charl,

Pick me, pick me to be one of your columnists or writers.

It's not every day you have someone who has the big enough balls to phone you up - on your cell 'nog al - and say the words 'penis', 'orgasm' and 'shit', whilst asking to be one of your writers. But hey, in the same breath, it's not every day you find editors of a top magazine returning your call. Pretty impressive I'd say. Noddy badges all round.

This is my blog. As Google sent me an email a while back stating that my blog was too much of a 'sexual' nature, I had to remove all content that was rude, explicit or ones that resembled the slight notion of explaining a ball hair - and now there are no longer sexual blogs. So I regretfully have to tell you that you won't be able to read about the 'Attack of the hairy vag' - one of my top viewing blogs.

But here are some blogs which might arouse you. Google has not seemed to track these ones down as yet.

http://thisismetakeitorleaveitlessonslearnt.blogspot.com/2010/12/turkey-skin.html

http://thisismetakeitorleaveitlessonslearnt.blogspot.com/2010/10/meeting-charlie-sexpo.html

http://thisismetakeitorleaveitlessonslearnt.blogspot.com/2010/06/men-irrational-apes.html

http://thisismetakeitorleaveitlessonslearnt.blogspot.com/2010/08/chicken-bjs.html

http://thisismetakeitorleaveitlessonslearnt.blogspot.com/2010/08/wheat-grass.html

http://thisismetakeitorleaveitlessonslearnt.blogspot.com/2011/08/feminity-in-nature.html

As discussed on the telephone, I am very blunt, open-minded, masculine brained and to the point. I like to write about the things that are publically shunned, although house wives and proud dads like to read secretly in the bathroom whilst pretending to poo.

I speak from personal experience when it comes to gender, sex, men, women, genitalia, relationships and other tantalising topics. This is then layered with humour, sarcasism, wit, locality and rhetorical questions. My writing style is like the perfect penis - long and flowing; neat and trimmed from far observation and detailed upon closer inspection. And when writing about conservative matters, the style is like an uncircumsised penis - noticably 'covered'.

I am looking for the perfect platform to write. As Carrie from 'Sex and the City' writes a column, so do I - but a better one. Give me a shot. Take a chance.

And if you do decide to take me on board, 'The best is yet to cum.'