Pushing trollies through sex stores

I have a food fetish at the moment.

Pushing my trolley around the grocery store is like walking through a sex store. I love food and lately it's about what 'excites' me.

I've just baked scones, laced them with cream and strawberry jam and enjoyed every tantalising mouthful. Every taste heightened, every note of sweetness hitting the the tip of my tongue.

The kitchen is like a sexual act. You have your cooking utensils (aka sex toys); the ingredients (your bodies) and the heat of the oven (the sexual chemistry). Every meal you make is a different experience; and every final dish is the end result, the ultimate orgasm.

I've been having quite a few orgasms lately.

Salad, sweet chilli and avo
As a newly introduced virgin to salad, I just can't get enough now. It's like once you pop, you can't stop. It's as if I have found a good sex book and am not able to put it down. Eating this salad is like having sex with an unexperienced person (although not a virgin) - it's refreshing, clean with a hint of kinkiness. Even an unexperienced person has a little 'sweet-chilli' side to them; a whip inside their Victorian closet.

Chicken, coriander, tomato and Thai pesto.
Now this is when it starts to get interesting. With all these tastes it's busy in your mouth; like a very busy rumble in the sack. Pesto, which hits all corners of your mouth - the sweet, sour, salty and bitter, can be compared to a very sexual man - and one who knows what he's doing. A peck on the lips, a lick on the hips and a smothering all over. There's nothing 'local' about this meal, it's foreign - like an Italian man. And yes, in this case when it comes to foreign - the grass is most certainly greener on the other side. And like those many occasions when you wake up next to a man you didn't recogise and have remorse and guilt written all over your face - this meal is healthy and guilt free.

Tomato and onion
Raw onion. This is the best orgasm for me. Raw onion and tomato is the perfect combination. It's like Angelina and Brad Pitt doing it. Pure perfection.

Chilli poppers (Jalapeno's stuffed with feta and crumbed)
Chilli to me is like using Durex 'heat' lubrication - uncomfortable, with a severe burning. Having said that though - bit by bit, I'm starting to like the chilli. There's something about that sudden instant burn. It's like having sex with a man who is like the rabbit - goes hard and fast for a minute and almost breaks you in the act. Then just as one suffers from ring sting; the encounter with the 'rabbit-man' leaves you painful and sore the next morning. So this meal is good on the day, but bad in the morning.

Pork and butter beans
An old family favourite which I have recently acquired the recipe for, and of which will now cook on a regurlar basis. This meal - creamy, filling and rich - is like making love with your husband or wife. It's familiar and satisfying and always leaves a good taste in your mouth, and one that lingers.

Pancakes with oriental veg and tomato relish
Pancakes are local; oriental veg is international. This meal is about having two polar opposite tastes, but two different tastes that mesh, and mesh well. It's like a midget and a very tall person doing the dirty deed. You think 'how on earth do they do it'... but they just do, and it's amazeballs.

I can't wait for my next shopping trip. Looking at the fresh produce, the tinned foods and consumables is like looking at the array of dildo's on display. Which one of these food products is going to set my mouth on fire and leave me salivating for more? With good food, as with great sex, always leave one wanting more.