Dear body, I am sorry

I see how you are crumbling
I see how you are taking a toll,
I see how you are breaking down
Tearing yourself into pieces in order to help me reach my goal.

The mental thoughts start to manifect, and physical symptoms start to show
Through deterriation, my body has lost its glow
Panic attacks, exhaustion and body spasms are but few
that come from the stress and my emotions, so blue

I used to be able to cope with the mental strain of it all
but, now it seeps through my body, slowly it starts to crawl
It's scary to see the bodily wounds that linger from the mental pain
from stress, anxiety, over working - what do I gain?

I can see my body getting older, through every emotion I feel
For my brain and thoughts, my body is a delicious meal
This is not a healthy way to live and my health is dissappearing,
It scares me that stress means my gravestone is nearing

I used to think "hey, stress and emotions wont get me, I can live with this"
The harmful effects and bodily harm, I constantly dismiss
I am petrified that I am close to death, that my body can't take it no more
I need to change my mental ways, or death with happen for sure

When mental turns into physical, you know it is something serious
To think that if I continue like this, is just plain delirious

To my physical body, I am sorry that you are taking a toll
I can see the symptoms
I can see you crying out to me saying "change your life"
I can see you in pain.

To my mental brain, please help me to help you.

Pienk takkie

Hou van my pienk takkie?

Yup, my visit to the Rammstein concert was done stepping in these pink bad boys.

Pink takkies and a bright blue top. To add the cherry to the top, it had a cute little wannabe-rocker animal on it. (I was going for the punk, funky look)

Little did I know that I would be the thorn amongst roses... the white pimple in the vast sea of black heads. As you can see below, black is the new in-colour here. I swear, everyone stared at me because I was wearing some colour. (Weird, rockers normally get looked up and down in normal society - but hey, I was the odd one out here surprisingly.)

Stupid Stacey - "you are going to a rock concert and you don't wear black!"

Fashion fuck-up!



Me and my camera had to document this and the weird outfits that were on display that day. I swear I was like a pervert who watches someone peeing through a tiny hole in the men's cubicle. I walked around and secretly and strategically took pics of people. (Hiding behind trees, fences - yup I would be good as a paparazzi)

The punk below is sporting a white and pink Mohawk... (I wonder what colour his pubes are?)



Can you see the chick with the blonde Mohawk. I personally dig this look. (Although I am sure she spent hours the next morning combing out her knots and getting the cemented gel out of her hair.) Geezlike... I am sure she poked a few eyes out with her hair.



Correct me if I am wrong but I believe the fashion designers of the below red and black striped dress are called "Bozwell circus fashion designers". I am sure they stole the fabric from the circus tent in town?



This chick below must be colour bind. Or she rides her bike on the street at night and wants to make sure that she is seen from miles away.



Yes, I might have gotten stares but me and my pink takkies were rocking that night.

Plucking Pubes

My father once told me that "only stupid people get bored."

Well then, as of this very moment, I am stupid. "Hi, I'm Stupid, nice to meet you."

I am so frigg'in bored.

Boredom is not a nice place to be. It's like you at a chicken farm, with rotten corpses, and a honkin' stink in the air, and you just want to get the fuck out of there.

I can think of a million other things that would keep my mind busy:

1. Pluck out my pubic hair. (Chris, the boyfriend, would be thrilled. He's tired of the bush)
2. Wait... count my each strand of pubic hair, ... then pluck it out one a time.
3. Write an article that I have no focus or inspiration to write
4. Walk back and forward from the toilet a 100 times, pretending that I need to be pee
5. Chain smoke (10 minutes per smoke. Three hours to occupy. 60 minutes in one hour. That's six cigerettes in one hour. 18 cigs in total.)

This blog is boring.

And After writing this, which took me about 7 minutes to do, I am still bored!

Habitual circles

So lately I have been going through a tough time in my life - my brain has been working over time... trying to catch the mice inside my skull.

Panic attacks, stressing, emotional = need to go to a therapist.

And that's exactly what I did. (Don't judge- I think everyone should have a therapist, life is hard as it is.)

My therapist, Christopher, looks like a mixture of Brendan Fraser and Nicolas Cage.
I'll call him Brendan Cage.

He's great. The session was great. So great that I realised how fucked up I really am. These bags of issues I continue to haul around me, need to be addressed.

I realised how my habits continue to turn in a viscous cycle and how rigid my habits have become. I'm 24 in human years, so that makes me 168 in dog years. Well, that must mean I'm dead in dog life (not really working out as I planned this sentence to do so). Basically, I'm old and decrypted in dogs years - and you can't teach an old dog new tricks. Hopefully therapy will help to do this and unwind the years of self-sabotage.

I'll be seeing him again.

It's nice to know that I can 'blah, blah, blah' in someone's ear and they have to listen to me 'coz I am paying them to do so.

Round two

Aren't these the most ugliest mother fuckers you have ever seen!

I got bitten by one last month, and had early symptoms of tick bite fever. Got antibiotics and got cured.

I find them on me all the time - the little shits... thinking they get'al up in my space... They seem to like my neck (is my blood sweet for you? Do you like it?)

I found one on my neck and again, pulled it off and now have a scab to remind me that the stupid effer left his mark on me.

Round two & k n o c k o u t!

I have symptoms again - so off to the doctor again to get antibiotics.

These ticks are making me broke. Hec-Tick!

I need to think of ways to prevent this - maybe I'll a body stocking? Aha - now try get me you parasite!

Why is it that ticks and fleas have an obsession with me? Just now, they'll crawl up my vag and make babies. (one of my fears)

Right, time to get something called 'tick-be-gone' (if that even exists)