Car wash, spit style

This happened to me a while ago. I forgot to write about it.

I was instantly reminded today, upon being run after by a car wash lady asking if I wanted my car cleaned.

Now - this is not one of those car wash places, where you drive in and wait 15 minutes to get your car soaked with water, soap and cleaned thoroughly. This is that stupid car wash company where washers wait in the parking lot at shopping centres - ready to pounce on you once you have parked your car and step one foot out of the door. I swear they sit there waiting. And waiting. And waiting until you get out and look at them. I feel like I am being harassed the minute I drive into the parking lot.

With a very dirty car the one day, I allowed them to wash it.

Came back and after driving home - I noticed how unclean it was. In the light you could see the wipe marks still with dirt. I then recalled their cleaning equipment. A bucket, cleaning wipe and little water spray bottle. Generally, with car washing you use a LOT of water to really remove the dirt. What they did was obviously use a little spray of water and wiped the dirt around. Seriously now - how do you expect to clean a car with one bottle of spray water!?

I was angry. That day I vowed to never let those car washers clean my car again. And especially with the cost they charged.

I may as well have cleaned the car with my spit and I would have had a better result.

TIPS FOR CAR WASHERS:

- Have a hose pipe
- Use lots of water and soap
- Cleaning does not mean smooshing the dirt around
- A small spray bottle is used to water plants, not to clean cars.

I should actually write a letter to that company and complain. Or better yet, file a case of harassment against them.

Sanitizer please!

After creating an office in the back room of my house, my hubi-to-be moved in his computer.

There it was.

Staring at me.

It's dirt and germ-layered surface, silently shouting at me "touch me... I'm germ infested. You know you want to. Touch my germs."

His key board.

Now Chris is not a dirty person, but his keyboard sure was. I guess that's what happens when you don't clean it.

I had to clean it.

Bring on the washing. But wait, let's get out the microscope. I had always thought that the keyboard was old - hence the non-visibility of the letters on the key board. But wait. The germs and dirt has actually layered itself on some of the letters (funnily enough it's always the letters that you use the most). I like to call this "Gunge" or "Gunk". It's almost as bad as when someone has white gunk on the sides of their mouths - a mere sign of dehydration. Puck.

Now, don't judge. Have a look at your keyboard and see that gunk staring at you. I'm sure 99% of the population have dirty keyboards - so don't be pointing your germ-infested finger at Chris.

Did you know that computer keyboards may have nearly seventy times as many germs as the average toilet seat. So hey - working off the loo might be better, despite the stench that lingers up from the toilet bowl.

At least he has a sparkling clean key board now.

But then it make me think about the germs in other areas. Now I am not talking about the common areas like the tiolet or the telephone or your bed (hate to see the germs that climb up your genitalia when you've having the sex) - I am talking about other areas where you don't think of.

One of my favourite is the light switch especially when the surface becomes covered in finger marks and eventually forms a layer of gunk. See picture below. I need to paint mine black as the white shows this gunge even more. (The image below is not of mine)



This goes hand in hand with gunk on the cupboard doors. It sometimes is so hard it's like cement. Hey - that's a cheap form of cement one can use to build houses. Use dirty fingers constantly on cupboards, watch the gunge grow, then scrape off and use.

Another place is the car steering wheel.

Researchers at Queen Mary University in London have discovered there are almost nine times as many bacteria on a steering wheel than on a toilet seat. It's like smeering your bum hole on it 9 times and driving the wheel.

Fuck my car is so dirty it's like a germ incubator. I am actually surprised I am still alive.

Oh well at the end of the day - with one wipe with Sanitizer the germs will be gone.

And if not - there's always working on a toilet seat.

Family favourites

We all have those meals which our moms and dads used to cook. Those meals which were our favourites as children. Those meals, that even as a grown up, we smell and taste and it brings us back to our childhood; back to good memories... back to home.

I've just made one of those. Ginger beer chicken and mushrooms.

Passed down from my Grandfather Naas, down to Rosie, down to me. Although it was Rosie's recipe, my mom used to cook it. I had forgotten about this particular meal for some time, but with a wiff from the kitchen (when my mom was cooking it) I knew that smell. I knew that taste. I knew that memory. I was brought back to home.

Now I'm not going to share this recipe - it's a family favourite. It is to belong in the family treasure chest, just for our mouths to taste. But don't dispair, I am sure you have your own family meals. In this case, sharing is not caring.

Now I've just made it. Although, when you make it, it never tastes as good as your moms or dads cooking. But hey, it still brings back those memories.

This comes second in the list of family favourites.

The first (applause please) which goes to THE SAUSAGE AND SPAGHETTI. (Another recipe from Grandpa Naas... thank you Granddad). Now, no one is a better maker of this then Rosie. But I am a close second. This surely brings back memories of when I was a young'in.

Thank you Rosie for passing down your family favourites. I'll be sure to pass them onto my kids. From generation to generation, the SAUSAGE AND SPAGHETTI and Ginger Beer Chicken shall prevail.

It's nice to know that even though some of your family may not be around, that with a single meal, you can bring them into your home.

Can we call ourselves human?

Did you watch this or did you turn a blind eye?

Humans who stand by and watch this happen without doing anything about it are as bad as the poachers who do this. You may as well shoot the rhino yourself.

Don't give me that bullshit "It's to sad to watch, so I don't."
We'll it'll be damn sad for you when you child asks you to go to the game reserve to see a rhino and you have to witness their sad faces when you tell them they can't, as they are extinct.

"Don't worry my child, you can see them in the book."

I can't wait for 2012 to come and wash us all away. Can we really call ourselves humans?

To those overseas who read this, spread the word. Tell those heartless fuckers to stop with the demand of rhino horns. "Yes you fat fuck who sits behind your big mahogany desk and gets African poachers to do your dirty work for you - yes I am speaking to you - I'm better then you and won't curse you a thousand horrible deaths, I'll just let karma do it's work."

Please, who ever reads this and is brave enough to watch those videos - please do something. Donate something, inquire with rhino-saving organisations about what you can do.

Be human, save a rhino.

Go to www.savingprivaterhino.org or to contribute to the "SAVING PRIVATE RHINO" FUND, or for more information go to: http://www.aquilasafari.com/node/235

Suffocation by cell phone

Grateful as I am to the new technology of today - providing me with applications on my phone that allow me to sms others free of charge. But is anything free? Everything comes with a price.

Yes, it's free but I'm paying the price of suffocation... death by cell phone.

I've just discovered the new 'Whatsapp' application - used for any phones. Unlike Blackberry's which only allow you to send bbms to other Blackberry holders.

Let me put you in the picture...

I have a Blackberry. So I have BBM's. Suffocation phase 1.
I have 2 email inboxes connected to my Blackberry. Suffocation phase 2 and 3.
I have people phoning me on my Blackberry. Suffocation phase 4.
I now have Whatsapp. Suffocation phase 5.

So that's 5 different beeps and rings. 5 different beeps and rings that go off constantly.

Cooking dinner. Beep. Check phone.
Sleeping at 3am. Beep. Check phone.
Watching TV. Beep. Check phone.
On the loo. Beep. Check phone.
Driving. Beep. Check phone.

My phone is suffocating my life. I have to constantly check it, write emails and smses and answer calls. I mean, with 24 hours in a day, I spend 23 hours on my phone. It's getting beyond annoying. I'm sick to death of hearing it go off.

This doesn't even include the suffocation of phones, whereby people update their whatsapp and bbm status's and display their entire lives on their phone, even to the extent of them taking a dump. This is called Invasive Suffocation. It's a disease.

Oh wait... what luck.. my phone has just beeped whilst writing this. Wait. Check phone. ..... ..... ..... ...... Okay back on. Oh shit, there it goes again... hold on.....
...
...
okay back again.

Do you see how these stupid things called cell phones - stop you from doing what you have to do. I may as well tape this phone to my head. It'll be a new trend!

USEFUL IDEA: Count how many times your phone rings or beeps in one day. This will indicate your level of suffocation.

Harry Potter: Child Friendly or HORROR flick?

I've just watched Harry Potter and the deathly hallows part 2 (DVD's are what you resort to when you don't have DSTV or normal TV channels... I would say I'm on my 10 millionth DVD)

What the hell happened to the good ol' Harry Potter movies? The ones where Harry Potter and his Ginger friend barely reached puberty and the movie revolved around fun spells and child-friendly content?

Parents when you see the movie poster above - this sign should follow........



Now it's about scary giant sweaty faced monsters; viscous snakes; violence and killing and Voldemort's freaky fetus (couldn't get that image on Google! Dammit! Scary as hell with this adult face on a screwed up baby's body, covered in blood) Harry Potter used to be directed at children, but with the increase of its movies to follow - it has gotten more and more 'adult-eyes-only'. What is going on in this world?





Parents be warned - this movie is NOT suitable for kids. Unless your kids have been bad and you'd like to punish them by shitting in their pants and having reoccurring nightmares of Voldemort as a fetus.

If all the movie directors of children friendly films follow in Harry Potter's footsteps... then all the children may as well get excited to watch HORROR MOVIES. It's like we may as well make a movie of black voodoo smurfs, who haunt small children at night.



Sick-a-ning.

Festive Seasons Repercussions

Facebook and BBM updates are probably lined with "Can't wait to go on a diet" or "When I get back from my holiday, I'm going to go on a strict diet."

Yes, the Merry season has it's repercussions. Empty wallets, Christmas fatties; and liver sclerosis.

Although I didn't stuff my face like most Christmas goers or drink myself into a coma (like others who blamed the festive season for their increased drinking binges), I'd admit that I did lack on the fruit and vegetables.

So off I went for a veggie shopping spree, along with buying copious amounts of soup. Not forgetting the vitamins! So I am on the healthy train now - full speed ahead - with the daily increase of vitamin intake. I'm not the only one. I've made Chris get on board as well. Shame, he'll be left with veggie this and veggie that. He's under strict rule not to drink beer. We're also going to cut down the smoking. Well at least try to.

It's not one of my new years resolutions - to loose wait and be a stick figure by June. I'm just trying to clean out my insides. Although I'm not a Christmas fattie - who knows what limited veg can do to one's body.

This is only for a week though. More like a detox I'd say.

Veggie and vitamin marathon begin!