N.O.W

The world as it is now...

The quitting smoking thing has seemed to come to a grinding, actually screeching, halt. I am back to my usual amount of deathsticks. Maybe Monday I will start again, or the next Monday. Things just have been overly stressful and I find the crave, on top of everything else that is going on in my life, is too much to handle. I'll quit when I live on an island, with a animal skin fanny-cover (wow, now that's a sight, and not a good one). I can't cope without my 'stress relievers.'

The house is in its finishing stages. I got some guy - "Rambo", as he's named, to come and hang up the door. He did a great job! Very 'well-hung'. We just have a few bits and bobs to do now. My folks picked up the large dining room table on the weekend, so the flat is getting more bare as the days go by. We are still living and sleeping in the lounge. We have some oki coming round tomorrow night to view the place, cross fingers.

I'm still overloaded at work but managed to get a lot done. I have to train my psychotic brain that I can only do what I can in a certain amount of hours. Leave work at work and don't bring it home where I unload it onto Chris. (Shame my poor babe, I need to make you my no.1 priority, instead of bitching about work, money or other problems.) Things will come right, they always do.

I have a massive job on for my business, for a big client, this weekend. I'm fuck'en anxious about it. I have to hire like 7 other people to come with me. Getting everything ready in a short amount time is hectically stressful. I hope that everything will come together though.

I'm scared I'm pregnant.

Even saying those words freaks me out. I don't know why I am so para. I've done nothing different this month. But it's on my mind constantly. I hope not. I pray not. Only a few days to go until my red friend comes, and boy will I welcome her with open arms.

I seem to be in a busy place in my mind at the moment. (As always)

Everything is up in the air. Maybe it's because I am in a transition phase.

So many worries, such a small brain.

Money is also on the issue-plate. At the moment I am stone broke. I am waiting 'patiently' for the money to come. Money is always an issue though.

I'm trying to be positive and say positive affirmations. I'm beginning to get into a negative-mind space, although 'secretly' optimistic. I know that sounds weird, but even when I'm very negative and I still see the end of the tunnel.

"I have abundance"
"I am positive"
"I attract good things into my life"
"Things will come right"
"I will do a good job - both in my business and in my work"

I found myself saying these things in my car on the way to work. It's actually quiet comforting when you think positive.

I look forward to going home tonight, to have gnocchi and this awesome sauce from woolies - chicken pecorino. Look forward to snuggling with my hubi, in the sanctuary I call home, and escape from this business I call my life.

"Honey, I'm home"