Happy New Year

It's the last day of 2011. This is my last blog of the year, thus it's only fitting to have an upbeat, positive blog with 'Chutzpa'.

As I reflect on the year that has been, I'd say it was a year of many changes - many good changes.

To name a few:

- I moved to my wonderful home on the farm - I found my DREAM HOME
- I adopted 5 more dogs who now bless my life
- I adopted 4 new chickens
- I adopted a stray cat (who eats three meals a day but love him to bits)
- I got engaged to the most wonderful man of my life
- My business grew and Chris and I have started on a new business venture
- I resigned from my job, although ending date is still pending, but good move none the less
- I found out I was going to be an Aunty, to my sister's child
- I took a big risk in my personal life and 'jumped off a cliff'

With so many good things, I hope I have not forgotten any.

2012 is exciting. I'm getting married in May; I'll see my favourite nephew in April; business will grow and Dec 2012 will bring with it a new era (although others will disagree with me)

I am hopeful.

Blessing all those around the world a Happy New Year and may 2012 bring you all that you deserve - and not forgetting the cherry on the top.

Sensitive

I am sensitive.

I've always been sensitive. Maybe it's from growing up with self (inflicted) issues; or the fact that I have low self esteem, or maybe it's middle-child syndrome. I don't know what the cause is - I am just sensitive. I take things to heart, I always assume the worst of what is said; I think what is said about me is always bad.

I continue to justify my life, my actions, my decisions. I even justify for Chris. It's as if (I feel) I have to get approval. That.. through a long story, I'll finally gain acceptance. As if, through excessive explanations you'll finally see my point of view - you'll realise my intention and agree with me.

Now this is purely my own thoughts - this is not a reflection on anyone else. People say to me that it's all in my head and that I take things too personally. So this is just how I feel.

I wish people would take me for who I am. Sometimes when the pain gets too much I sometimes wish I wasn't me. I wish my life wasn't hard. That people would look at me, and my life, and be proud. That they would accept it once off, with no long story given. I wish indirect comments weren't made. I wish that people would see the pure intentions behind my actions, behind my life. Although sensitive, I am strong. I can take a few 'beatings' before I eventually crack. But why do I need to crack? Why can't I just live my life without care. Without care of being scorned, remarked and lowered. But the thing is, I care for others, I want others to be in my life, I want them to be happy for me and support me. Not caring and giving a damn would mean, in my life, that I'd have closed doors and people wouldn't know what was going on. I'd be alone. I'd be alone and desensitized.

Lately I've had a lot of indirect comments, about many aspects of my life.

Dogs

I have 7 dogs. Although saving dogs from the shelter is a good thing - I have saved them and given them a good home - this is not how it is viewed. Indirect comments like: "They will hold your life back. They're expensive. Seven dogs is a bit much. Vet bills. Dog food costs."

Baby

I'd like to have a baby and quite soon. Yet there is some support, the support is a double edge sword. "Yes, that's great but remember a baby is hard, and it's very expensive." Do you not think that having 4 jobs as I do; having 4 chickens and 7 dogs is not hard work? As one of the most ambitious and hard working people I know, do you not think I think about finance constantly? It's as if people think I'm this naive, dependent person. Do you really know me?

Finance

Some people land with their asses in the butter; some people end up with rich partners and some people don't. I am tired of justifying the fact that I earn more than Chris. "You overwork yourself to compensate for Chris," is one of the many comments I get about finance. Do you not think that if I was alone that I'd work just as hard, and strive the same to get the same finances?

Sister

My sister is pregnant and engaged. She's engaged to a wonderful man who luckily earns a lot so they are very comfortable. He bought her the most beautiful ring, and am sure it came with a large price tag. The thing, Chris made me a wooden engagement ring. Chris doesn't earn much. There's a huge difference between us. Maybe it's me, but I feel the bar has been set extremely high by my sister and her soon-to-be-hubi, and Chris and I are far from them. Yes, we're so different that one cannot even compare, and maybe it's only me to think this but I feel everyone views them very highly and looks down on Chris and I. I often ask myself if people will be as happy for Chris and I when we fall pregnant? Or will I get those indirect comments? I think I definately have middle-child syndrome, because even sitting in her presence belittles me. This is in my head.

I know who I am and I know my good qualities. I am a carer, someone who would do anything for anyone, some one who works 7 days a week and still has time to work some more, but these indirect comments erase all of these. I think more about the bad comments then the great things I actually am. I need to stop doing this to myself - I am killing myself doing this. I am the fire and people continue to throw hot embers into the flames.

I don't know what I am writing. I am rambling on. I just get tired of everyone arching their eyebrows at me, or saying comments about this or that or to somehow compare me or diminish me in some way. I don't think they know it's intentional and I don't they are trying to hurt me, but hey - the knife still shows blood on it. It's easy for me to bleed, when I wear my heart on my sleeve. It's there for you all to see. And if you can see it, why don't you touch with caution? I should write 'fragile' on my back.

Maybe I should rip out my heart so I don't feel the disdain of your words or bare your comments on my shoulders so that at 25 I now walk like a hunchback? Chris says I should just focus on 'us' and not worry about others view and to not be sensitive. But, I need my family and friend's support, I need them to be with me as I travel in my life; I need their constructive advice.

I think at the end of it all, I must stop viewing myself through others eyes. Or believing that everyone is against me.

Our farm is growing!

Meet Salt, Pepper, Betsie and Herbert. The four new additions to our farm. We have three hens and one rooster. They are Indian gamer and Road Island Red chickens.

What a great buy! I've been wanting these furry friends for some time now, and they're finally here. Gone are those machine made eggs from groceries stores - that look opaque when scrambled. I'm a'gonna have me some yellow, fresh and FREE eggs soon.

At least these birds are an investment - and will save us some money on buying eggs, as well as selling them. With 3 eggs a day from the hens - there's lots to go around.

I always said I'd live on a farm, and bit by bit my farm is becoming more and more complete. Over-joyed I'd say. Next to follow is a black pot-bellied pig - he'll be the black sheep of the farm family. And then maybe a cow and a horse. We have sheep already so no need for them. Besides, I don't eat lamb... puke.

At least if 2012 hits, we'll be self-sustainable. And if desperation calls for it, we can eat the birds or allow them to have chicks and eat those - but hey, befriending Salt, Pepper, Betsie and Herbert means we can't eat them. It'll be like eating a dog. No thanks - eggs is all we need.

Welcome to the family my clucking friends.

Humble relaxation

So I sat waiting for my sister from Cape Town to meet me. There in the middle of Nelson Mandela Square at Sandton City - the pretentious and snob capital of JHB - I parked myself on the steps in front of all the restaurants and rich people eating their gourmet meals. Where I was sitting... it's like being on display. A place for all the people who are on their smoke breaks to sit, or for those who were waiting for someone, or (like me) those who have no money to shop or dine at a restaurant.

I thought - what a better time to read my book. So out came my book. Whilst reading, it was like I was in my own world. Oblivious to those walking back and forward, rushing here and there. It was as if a sense of calmness came over me. I was relaxed, really relaxed.

I felt like I was from a scene in a book:

There she sat, perched on the step with the sun rays warming her skin. Quietly she sat, turning the pages of her book. Her friends, the hungry pigeons came to greet her.



It's amazing in life how we are so busy that we don't stop to just sit and watch. Observe. Well after reading, I just stared and observed the people around me. Their busyness made me feel more relaxed. Then two people sat next to meet and started to chat. It was like another scene from a book:

"Two friendly people approached the lady, who was indulged in her book. Out of no where, the three people converged into a light-hearted and refreshing conversation."

So there I was... relaxed.

I was also humbled. I watched the people in the restaurants eating. I am broke today. I didn't even have money for a drink or some food. (Don't worry, income is coming in soon - although that's not the point) I felt like a beggar - wanting to eat but have no money. Wanted to maybe shop but have no money. It's like I am almost in their shoes. I have empathy for them. I am humbled.

So from now on... I am going to take more time to just sit and read, or observe, or greet the pigeons.

Charging on wheels

We as humans are a 'consumer' race. All we do is buy. Weekends come, and we shop. Like ants to a candy bar. We've become materialistic. Well, I'm not one of those ants. If I wear 5 year old clothes, hey - I'm cool with that. Staring at window displays and walking around shopping centres where people are so squashed they intrude on your personal space... so close that you can smell their armpits or get swashed with their forehead sweat. Yes, that's not for me. I'd rather be another 'bug'.
(Yes you stupid ants - I judge you!)

As I'm not a shopper, it's not every day I find a great buy.

But the other day I found it. I bought a car charger from a man on the side of the street. Best buy ever people - especially when you use your phone as much as I do. Mine should be permanently glued to my right ear. (hey - it could actually be used as an earring!)

For R50 bucks, I get a fully charged phone and also the sweet release of no stress. I've had so many times where my batt has gone flat. Chris, my hubi-to-be, always says I never charge my phone. But hey, I love the thrill of going to work with 10% battery and seeing how long it lasts. It's an adrenalin rush for the poor.

Advert for poor Adrenalin junkie-wannabies:

"Got no money. Can't afford sky diving or bungi jumping... leave your phone uncharged. There's nothing like watching the battery bars go down - it's totally stimulating."

Now I never have to worry about my battery dying if I break down, or have an accident or need to phone a client or friend. Yes, best R50 bucks I have spent in a long time. And what's even better is that it works. With my smoking and having my car for 6 years - the cigarette lighter was over used and stopped working. But when plugging in my charger, it miraculously worked. Was bummed when it stopped working and had to find an alternative for lighting my smokes (matches - the poor man's option) but my love the lighter socket has now been revived with the use of my charger. And hey - it's not like the charger is going to affect my lungs.

Yes, after much waiting, I am now charging on wheels.

Fucker Fred

I'm sitting in Kauai - the whole Vitamin-C healthy food place where the fit and fab people go(I shouldn't be here - I look like a porcupine amongst pigs.)

Fuck you Fucker Fred and your whole grain, no calorie bread and wanna-be-slim no sugar smoothies (addictive as they may be)

Trying to write on this laptop, with this broken ass charger that's burning my leg as it over heats. This 2-point plug is broken and every time I put it in to the plug, sparks fly. Race to Pick n Pay. Buy another one. Doesn't work. Fuck you Fucker Fred and your non-working piece of shit plug.

FUCK. It's just blown! Can my day get any worse!!!

Can I write this blog in under 10 minutes before my laptop switches off? Fuck you Fucker Fred and your dinosaur of a laptop that can't even work for 10 minutes without being charged.

Driving home last night. Rock - tyre - blown. Cost me R1300.00 to replace two tyres but I can't ride around with a biscuit of a tyre. Fuck you Fucker Fred and your over-charged tyre company.

Get an email from work. Fuck you fucker Fred - need I say more?

I'm having a bad fucking day. Clearly.

Ho ho ho

Now I know it's only the 28 November - but I am getting in the Christmas spirit.

I'm an eager beaver.

So our Christmas tree is up.

Went to the shops and bought me a Christmas Tree, tree decoration and lights. Yup - we're in our first home and need our first Christmas tree. An it's the really big-big-big one. For once, I'm really doing the Christmas Ho Ho Ho.

Santa would be proud!

The finish line

I can see it... it's almost there, just right around the corner.

The finish line - the end of the year - the holidays - a break.

But fuck me, I am tired. I am crawling to the finish line. Holidays are only about a month away but every day feels like a brick hanging off my right nipple... painful.

I just need a break. I am over worked.

I am like the lady in the image above - she's too tired to even get to the finish line. Oh, and how's the wing-wang-china-chick taking a picture of her - haha, typical.

Can the holidays just come the fuck faster?

Kids today

After looking after children and tutoring them on their school work, I have come to the conclusion that kids today don't care - they don't give a rats arse.

Gone are all the days when I was young, and kids my age would do their homework without a huff or a puff, or an excuse, or a negotiation ... and the list goes on and on until I'm bored.

My favourite line from them is "I don't care!"

Stacey: "So let's do your homework."

Child: "I don't care."

Stacey: "If you don't do your homework you will fail!"

Child: "I don't care."

It's as if children today don't care if they fail; they don't care if they get good marks, they don't care if they don't get a job later on in life and they don't care if all their friends pass and they stay behind a grade.

Kids today do not comprehend how hard life is. They just think they'll live off mommy or daddy's money. They don't realise the importance of education. I don't expect children to be worried about their furture per say, but at least give a damn.
They'd much rather play outside instead of using their brains. It's very sad to see a child who is not ambitious or wants to do well. It's even more sad when they don't care.

I'm not saying all kids are like this and I am not saying that I was an angel - but at least I cared. I didn't have to be monitored, or asked a million times to do my work. Now a days, parents have to become the slaves to their kids.

Mom to child: "Here you go my eight your old boy, I'll spoon feed you with your homework. I'll even wipe your bum if need be."

Quarter of a century

It's my birthday!!! 25 today - a quarter of a century.

Shit, I'm closer to 30 then 20 now. Yes - 25 is a good age!

My birthday's are always thought provoking.

Happy birthday to me!

Smurf: too unrealistic even to be a fairytale

I watched the Smurf movie last night.

Yes it's a cute movie, and entertaining, but I spent the whole time analyzing how unrealistic this movie is. Yes it's a fairytale, but it's so unrealistic that it falls short of even being a fairytale. Fairytales at least have equal men and woman, societal roles and good and evil.

Any child, after watching this movie, is bound to be royally screwed up.

It paints a inaccurate reinterpretation of life and society.

Child: "Wow mom, I want to live in a land where there are 99 men and ONE female."

Mom: "Sorry son, only in the Smurf world"

Child: "Wow dad, I want to live in a land where there are 99 young people and ONE old person. We can be young forever."

Dad: "Only in the Smurf World"

Child: "Wow mom, I want to live to 556 years, like papa smurf does."

Mom: "You'd have to have a smurf body for that. Better yet, become a smurf!"

With Smurfette being the only female, I think the Papa Smurf gave birth to all 99 smurfs. Yes in this 'realistic' movie I think Papa Smurf also has a fanny. It's possible, you know, in the Smurf world!

... I kept trying to figure out WHAT type of animal the smurf was.

A smurf has a bunny tail, but is not a bunny?
A smurf have un-proportioned feet, but does not topple over?
A smurf has a chest, but no belly button or nipples?
Blue. Really?

Yes, any child seeing a smurf is bound to have a weird idea of the human body. And if the saying - "big feet, big dick" - is true, then these smurfs would have penises the same size as their bodies!? Yet their white pants seem to have no lump or protrusion? Wow, I think all big-dicked men should get the smurfs underpants!
And on top of that smurfette is a woman, but has no boobs? How can one differentiate between the sexes (besides Smurfette's blonde hair). But in speaking of that - blonde hair on a blue animal? Really?

I'm still boggled about this movie.

Maybe I should stick to Snow white, or some other 'normal' fairytale. At least in Snow white there may be dwarfs, but they are clearly men and just plain midgets.

Hachiko

There's only a few movies that get deep inside your soul and make you ponder about things, or cry a million tears.

Hachiko is one of them.

"Hachikō (ハチ公?, November 10, 1923–March 8, 1935), known in Japanese as chūken Hachikō (忠犬ハチ公?, was an Akita dog born on a farm near the city of Ōdate, Akita Prefecture,[1] remembered for his remarkable loyalty to his owner, even many years after his owner's death.

This is Hachiko below.

Everday he would go with his owner to the train station to see him off to work, and would wait for the owner at the train station to return. This was every day. When his owner died (when Hachiko was 1 or2) Hachiko would go to the train station and wait for his owner (who would sadly never return) - this happened for 9 or 10 years.

And whats even more moving is that this is a TRUE story.



It's just profound to see how amazing a dog can be - the loyalty shown. It's beyond incredible. This movie should be the poster movie for all animal welfare centres and shelters - seeing this would make any pet-hater, fall in love with dogs and adopt them.

This makes me look at all my dogs and appreciate them more.

I said to Odis - one of my dogs - "you better be this loyal to me."

Yes... we hate sad movies that involve dogs - but just watch this movie. Although it's sad it confirms why you love your pets and why they are so special.

Yes - definately going in the best movies category for me!

Sticking to my guns

After many hard knocks to the chest and a broken soul – I need to reassess. With Stace-Face Face Painting’s job taking a turn for the worst over the past few weeks – a cake mess up (fuck you stupid baker); refund here, refund there, and a crap comment from a client – I need to reassess the business.

No longer will I take on too much; offer client’s too much for the price of nothing; discount my services to suit their budget; take on jobs I’m not comfortable with; no longer leave a job feeling like I didn’t do it well; or take on jobs that I don’t know what to do. I’m going to stick to what I know best. Boys – I’m ‘a gonna stick to me’ guns.

This one random old guy said to me: When it comes to your business and your clients say to them: “You want me, I don’t want you.”

Fucken bulldoze me over and make me smack my face in a pile of shit – that saying is brilliant!

With the business, I am going back to basics - starting from the foundation and building it up again. Wow - you really learn a lot in having your own business - I've once again had a business brain wave.

Baby Pool for two

Fuck stress – it can kiss my white ass hi-knee. Literally! I showed my white ass and full body (bikini hindering of course) on Sunday. (Well, especially showed it when I took off my bikini top off and flashed the orchard… the trees were shocked, so shocked that some of their branches fell off – well not that shocked.)

I’ve been so stressed lately, so tight-arsed that I swear, you could stick a carrot up my bum and it would stay. Over worked and hypothetically loosing my hair, I decided to fuck it all. So out came the two deck chairs, whiskey and ginger ale, cheapy R5 chocolate ice creams and my kiddies swimming pool (I use it for my business). There sat Chris and I, in our big garden soaking in the sun. It was one of the most relaxing days of my life – seriously. I was so relaxed that was even had sex three times that day. Yes parents – your daughter was a horn dog on Sunday. So I’ve realised that when I am relaxed, my sex drive increases – an epiphany for all woman.

Yes – we may not have the beach or a proper pool, but our little blow up pool did the trick. And hey, I caught a slight tan – I mean burn. I have a teardrop red mark on my stomach. The first time my stomach has ever seen the day of light. Speaking of the day of light – my pubic hair also got a glimpse of the daylightt. Yes it’s Summer – I now need to shave. Don’t judge – I am sure, with Winter having just been, that you have a forest under your belt too. Who cares – Chris still finds me sexy.

But hey – it was great to have a day off – a day were, for the first time, I actually REALLY relaxed. Thank you babe (Chris) for making me realise that life is not all about work and stressing your balls off. It’s about quality time with you and your loved one. Even if it’s in a tiny pool where you feel like you are basically bathing.

Bring on the gardening tools

Happy days - I found me a gardener.

No longer with these spring onions in the flower bed just in front of my porch make me nauseous with it's stink. No longer will the weeds continue to take over the entire garden, or the dogs poos continue to stare at me with their brown faces, or the garden look shabby and untidy.

Being a workoholic I don't have the time to do the garden or maintain it, and being the size that it is - Chris (my NOW fiance) can't do all of it himself.

So introducing GOLI - our new gardener. Very efficient he is.

So off to the hardware store and nursery I went (a place foreign to me and rarely visited) - bring on the gardening tools. I bought a rake, spade, fork, flowers and lavender.

Goli, in the one day he has been here as fixed the place up. I was jumping around the whole time - so excited. I love efficient people. I love that my garden is starting to look nice. A country garden to match my country cottage is coming along nicely.

I'll be the frequent visitor now at the nursery. This can actually turn out to be a hobby. But an expensive one at that - for something that grows out of the earth: plants are very expensive.

We had our first SA Summer rains this weekend. Followed by hail (SA's version of UK's snow.) But all this rain will make my flower babies grow. Grow babies grow! But, oh dear, the more growing the more mowing. Goli where are you? We need you.

Dream garden, here we come.

2012

So, who of you out there are pissing your pants for this dreaded day?

The big 2012. The end of the world?

After much conversations, research and reading up on this day - I have come to the conclusion that the world is not going to end.

You can breath now. (Although I stand to be corrected)

My interpretation is that the world won't end, but there will be a consciousness shift. All that we know now like our high-paced lives; cars and technology (of which we are screwed if the electricity bombs out); shopping at Spar and other 21st century conveniences will be lost.

Bring on the bushman times, wearing lamb skinned bikinis and farming.

I am actually looking forward to it. No jokes.

In this very hectic life we live in now we have lost ourselves - our connection to the divine (God) and our connection to our spirits. We will be taken back to the stone age where people just used the basics of life. The earth now, of which we have been abusing at an extreme rate is pulling the finger at us.

Earth: "I gave you my hand and you bit off my arm."

I'm looking forward to a more simpler time.

Yes, a lot of people will die. Some people will not be able to cope. Some of the rich and famous will not be able to survive on farm products alone. But hey - give P.Diddy a gold necklace whilst he farms and I am sure he will be fine.

My advice is to stock up on canned goods. As KOO spaghetti is my favourite - I'll be sure to stock up on that!

People will remain in close communities. So to all my friends and family... you can come live on the farm with me.

In all seriousness though, if the world does end or if it is only a consciousness shift amongst humans - may I be close with my dogs, family and friends.

May we from now on, appreciate the earth and it's resources. May we from now on appreciate each other. May we from now on appreciate the Divine and appreciate our souls.

On the night before the day - I'll be sitting around my dogs and family, eating my favourite foods (preferably take-out as that will no longer exist); watching my favourite movie... or praying... or hugging my family.

Let Dec 2012 not make you live in fear, make it live your life. Everyday.

I am not making a mockery of this day, nor God's plan, nor the earth's way of eradicating the abusers.. I am just not fearful of this day. It's destiny.

I'm engaged!

I, Stacey Rowan, am engaged to Christopher, my beautiful boy.

I am going to be Mrs Woensdregt.

Hell's bells this is so exciting. I can't even concentrate. My brain is just saying "wedding, wedding, wedding." I think that's when you know something is right - it happens quickly and you become absolutely consumed by it.

He got down on one kneee and proposed with a wooden ring he designed and crafted himself - now, if that's not love then I don't know what is.

So a hippie wedding on the farm early next year is in order. So much to do, so little time.

I am a pot of mixed emotions - but I actually feel like I am living.

I can't believe it. It felt surreal at first. But now it's real.

I'm getting MARRIED!!!

Will keep you updated on the planning. It'll be "Stacey's top tips of wedding planning blog."

Congratulations to me and my soon-to-be-hubi. I love you!

Rugby World Cup 2011

Chris: So you half Kenyan; half Welsh and South African?

Stacey: Yes

Chris: Well you're a pavement special then.


I am a half breed. It's the Welsh vs South African game and I'm watching - who do I support?

So the rugby world cup is upon us. It doesn't have the same 'feeling' as FIFA but it'll sure be fun to watch.

Go Bokke! Followed by a close... Go Wales.

Unfortunately Kenya is not playing so can't support them. Sorry dad.

Four eyes

I shit you not, I was going to get these stylish glasses. Harry Potter wannabe I'd say.

After numerous headaches and straining my eyes to see the tv, I realised I had to go see the optometrist.

Now, I have to get glasses. I am no longer young, nor do I have good eyesight. A sign that I am getting old.

Call me Stacey-four-eyes-Rowan from now on.

But hey, I had to be respectable and get professional looking glasses. So they are black on the outside, with purple inside. Smart. I look borderline-nerd.

I am wearing them now. I actually kind of like them. They make me look like a journalist, of which I am. I look the part.

I am proud to be a four-eyes.

Cheese and Wine

Sunday afternoon, there I was with Chris; Anine and Wesley, enjoying cheese and wine on my porch staring into the orchard.

Bliss.

I've never been a fan of those stinky cheeses nor the art of having cheese and wine. Red wine, to me, tastes like carpet and the pong of the blue cheeses is enough to make me hurl. But my taste buds are slowly acquiring the tastes and my love for kaas en wyn is beginning.

I live 5 minutes away from Van Gaalen Cheese farm. Lucky bitch I am.

With rose wine and italian herb cheese; garlic and onion cheese and 2 year old gouda - I was set. I have never tasted cheese so good as the 2 year old gouda.

I'm hooked. I've become an addict to the cheese and wine event. You can really make a day of it, make it an event, make it something special.

Different cheeses, wine, fresh bread and crackers - what more can I say.

But yes Cheeze

DoRonRon

We got Ron, our boxer, just over a month ago from the SPCA Brakpan - one of the many dog shelters in SA.

He was conviscated from a home where he had been living for a year, and was badly neglected - he had bad manje and was starved.

The SPCA kept him for a few weeks thereafter to help him gain weight and help his manje.

We waited long for him.

He waited long for us.

Last night we got home and Ron was vomiting blood. We rushed him to the vet, 40 minutes away.

Bad news. Heart breaking news.

Ron had a heart murmur and had a condition where he had fluid in his lungs. Ron was dying. This came as a shock, a disbelief. He was eating, playing with the swing tyre and running around the farm, happy as can be. I didn't understand. Surely if a dog was ill, they would not eat and just lie around. The vet said that he was born with this, his body has adjusted to the condition and his body knew no better. But then his body just gave up.

I was there when they put him down. His head was on my shoulder. He went into a peaceful sleep.

I won't vent. I won't get anger. I won't question God.

This is God's will.

Chris is devastated. I had to be the stronger one. Alot of bad things have been happening to me lately and for some reason I have pulled out this inner strength, which I never knew I had. God has helped me to do that.

I have to be stong for Chris.

If I think about it now, Ron lived a life of neglect. We showed him love, we showed him that there are caring humans in the world. That he was worth all the attention - and all the love we gave him. I think he waiting all that time in the bad house, all that time in the SPCA to come to us. He needed to be loved and he recieved it. He left this world knowing that he was loved more than anything. At least he has a place where his spirit can now be. Running around on the farm. Sitting next to the willow tree in our garden catching the rays of the sun. If he has died in the SPCA or that home, his spirit would have stayed there. That's why he waited.

We waited for him.

He waited for us.

RIP Ron. We love you. We miss you.

We will wait again some more until we are reunited in Heaven.

You left us too quickly. I think we loved you SO much that that empty gap in your heart was fulled quickly.

I'll be sure to play that sixties song 'Do Ron Ron' and dance around and remember you - just like that day when we danced together.

You are in Heaven now with Joey and Dukey and Tibby and Boozey. Just like Duke was there to collect Joey, Joey was there to collect you, our dear Ron.

Rest in peace my boy.

Your mommy and daddy love you like you have no idea.

Like I whispered in your ear before you went to sleep - be around us, watch over us, come visit and may we see you around the house sometimes.

Our DoRonRon xxx

27 August 2011 RIP

Sweaty armpits, whales and exposed hairy legs

The 1st of September is next week - Spring day.

Small green buds are appearing on the trees; crickets are making noises and frogs are croaking. (Chris, my nature-enthusiast boyfriend, says it's the first signs of Summer.)

I can't wait for Summer, although there are a few things that Summer brings with it, which I can actually wait for:



1. Sweaty armpits. B.O. Alert.

Yes, I sometimes have those wet patches. Best be stocking up on deo anti-perspire roller. Although there is an upside to these little wet patches. When it's very windy, lift up your arms. Wait a bit. Then put your arms down and the patches feel cold. Yes - the little joys of my life.

2. Hot cars which have been heating up in the sun whilst parked. This equals more sweaty armpits.



3. Right guys - it's time to be on whale watch alert.

But these type of whales we don't find in the sea. They are in the public swimming pool; sitting next to you on the beach or at a friend's pool party.

Summer is the time to expose those flabby bits and white reflective skin. Some expose a little more then they should but hey, it makes for good whale-watching. I don't think I've ever been in a bikini in front of people. I too have 'The Flab' and my skin resembles snow white. But at least I have rock pools by my house where no one can see, so I can be a 'whale' in my own time and space. The only whale-watcher there will be Chris, but hey - he loves my flab. I'm his favourite 'whale'.



4. Oh gosh.

Summer brings with it short skirts and pants. Now ladies, you can no longer hide those hairy, non-maintained legs under your long pants.

Oh poo balls.

I hate shaving my legs. Damn tedious. Time to bring out the razor, which has rusted over time as it hasn't been used for a while.

In summer, it's now shaving every two days. And we can't get out of this. We can't even cheat and shave up the knee. One needs to shave the WHOLE leg.

Ag dear.

But apart from the sweaty armpits, whales on show and hairy legs - I'm looking forward to summer. Hiking, swimming in the rock pools, leafy plants, flowers blossoming and warmth - yes please.

The circle of life

I watch how you all get older and how the wrinkles show up on your face
Your bodies become aged, you all no longer have your youthful grace
Times is ticking by fast and the circle of life starts to turn
New life comes in whilst your flame becomes dimmer; no longer does it brightly burn

Ailments and illnesses slowly start to infest in your body which once was so young
These are signs that the circle of life has begun

I don't want to watch you get older, I don't want to watch you get sick
It's just a reminder that the 'life' clock is going tick, tick...tick
I want you all to be young forever, I never want you to leave
Thinking of this, I cry... wiping my tears on my sleeve

I want you to be there for my wedding, and when I say I do
I want you to be there for my achievements and for when I’m feeling blue
I want you to be there when my kids have their first step and at their 1st day of school
I want you to be there when they cut their knee or have their first swim in the pool
I want you to be there to see your first great grandchild, and stare into his eyes
I want you to be there and wipe his tears away when he cries
I want you to see me when I turn 30 and 40 and fifty or so
Most of all I want you to be there to watch me grow

You have to be strong now, you have to live a long life
If you leave now or even before I’m 50, I’ll live in sadness and strife
I don’t know how to accept that this is the way life is
I wish we could all be around forever and live in happiness and bliss

I know in my heart you’ll make it through, you will all be here for a long time
We cannot control when the heavens will take us, time is not yours… nor mine
But belief and faith is necessary, positivist holds the key
To live a long long happy life together, both you and me

Scream it out to the world

Okay, finally my tongue doesn't need to be held back.

I'm gonna scream it out to the world now.

I AM GOING TO BE AN AUNTY!!!

One more time.... I AM GOING TO BE AN AUNTY!!!

My sister Leigh, is with child (that sounds so formal, like in the olden days)

I am over-the-moon for her. It is what she has wanted for so long and her dream is finally a reality.

This is the first time I am going to be an aunty. Showeeeeee. I'll be the cool aunty Stace who let's Leigh's child smoke, swear and have big parties. KIDDING - Leigh would kill me.

So I bet it's a boy. Who wants to bet with me? KIDDING AGAIN.

Oh I do hope it's a boy. (As I'm supposed to have the girl, te he)

Friend's of Leighs are saying they are going to be aunties, but I, Miss Stacey Rowan, am an Aunty BY BLOOD. BY BLOOD PEOPLE! So don't be stealing my thunder. (*wink)

But on a serious note, I am so excited. I can't believe that we're at that time of our lives for making babies and getting married, the old ball 'n chain.

Leigh and Toddy, I am overjoyed for you. You both are so blessed and Riley will grow up in a home where he or she is loved everyday, in every way.

Yes, I'm FINALLY an AUNTY.

(PS. Yes Leigh, you got your wish of bearing the first child - the first grand child out of us siblings. You see, I waited for you and didn't steal your thunder. YOU OWE ME...)

*HAPPY DAYS*

Stacey Rowan: Novelist

I did it. I actually finally did it.

I sent through my manuscript (3 chapters of my book) to Pan MacMillan, a South African book publishing company.

After 12 years of writing, it's time. It's time to reveal my book, Lessons Learnt to the world.

In 6 to 8 weeks, I'll know if they want to publish it or not. But the psychic, who I went to see on Friday, said that my book will be published. I know it will be.

I'm excited. I've taken a step towards my goal, my dream.

Hopefully soon I'll be blogging about how my booked is going to be published.

Yes... I, Stacey Rowan, will hold the title of novelist, published author.

Exciting Times!

I AM

I am a helper.
I am a care giver.
I am an advisor.
I am a healer.
I am a purpose.

I am mother to Harry and Sally, Milton, Lady and Odis
I am daughter to Rosie, Mom, Bridget and Hugh
I am sister to Leigh, Sam and Zayne
I am a friend to many
I am a girlfriend to Chris
I am a niece
I am a cousin

I am a business owner
I am a journalist
I am a writer
I am an entrepreneur

I am many things. I am me. I am Stacey Rowan.

I know who I am. I accept who I am. I love who I am.

R.I.P Joey

Blogging about death or any of my friends, family or dog's passing is not something I want to do, nor do I get any fulfillment out of it.

But, respect needs to be paid. We need to honour the passed.

Joey, my mom's white toy pom dyed last night. He got run over by a car just a few feet outside our house. He was only about 3 months old.

I can't begin to explain how much joy he brought in our lives, even if it was for just a short while. He was there for my mom and gave her unconditional love when she needed it, when she was at a low point. That made me happy.

As per the image above, he was beautiful! Nothing short of cute.

It's always sad when your dog dies, they are part of the family. Our hearts are broken. Devastation.

Don't know why this happened? Trying to figure out a reason, but can't. Trying to figure out a spiritual lesson in this or a universal sign as to why he was taken away from us; taken away so young.

He was loved. He knew he was.

You gave us strength and love Joey Twibbiani (his nickname I'd shout out when I came to the house every morning)

Dukey, my other dog who passed away round about the same time last year, came to collect him. They are in heaven together.

Til' we meet again Joey (and Duke), we love you. Rest in Peace our boy. We will think of you everyday and will continue to miss you.

Although I didn't properly hug you that day, just know that I loved you more than you will ever know.

We love you.

RIP Joey xxx

Feminity in nature

Finding this seed pod on the ground at a game reserve whilst visiting friends, I HAD to blog about it!!

I don't mean to be crude but doesn't it look like a..? For those sexually pruned individuals, you won't know what I am talking about.

But isn't it interesting how nature also shows gender? The female and the male? Well this pod certainly shows femininity.

I'll be keeping it for funny sake. A good conversation piece if you will.

Stacey's Blogging Book Club

Right, here is the second edition to my blogging book club.

Although not a book, Odyssey Magazine(SA) ranks top of my list of new magazines to read.

It's the first of it's kind and I am so delighted! A magazine that resonates with me.

If you're a spiritual fundi you're gonna love this! With articles about spiritual beings, workshops, reiki, emotions and healing to name a few, this is your all-in-one spiritual kit.

The style, tone, layout, design and articles are beautiful. These are all kept on my shelf for back referencing and for when I need a 'pick-me-up'.

This is not a magazine to be read on the tiolet (this will be degrading to the magazine) - this is one to be read with a cup of lemon and mint tea outside on the garden.

Happy reading & soul searching!

Pay up bitch!

I am broke. It's the beginning of the month and I have no money.

The funny thing is, and I'm sure you can all relate, is that when you have no money you have to pay up bitch. The toilet breaks, or you have to go the doctor for a very rare flu virus that only hits one out of a million people.

Why is it that when you have no money, everything just fucks out? Or you have to pay unexpected bills that you have no money for.

Like I said, I am broke (yet not despaired) and two days ago I found a worm showing its face to the world out of one of my dog's bottom. So deworming tablets were in order. But not one, 6! I have six dogs and if the worm is brave enough to show face on one dog's arse, then I am sure that the worm has family relatives in the other dogs. Then, if my dogs have it, then surely I must have it. That's two more deworming tablets to get - one for me and one for my boyfriend. So that's eight. That's a total of about R170 that I don't have. But I got them anyway. So although I am broke still (even more so now), I am worm-free.

Then, yesterday my power supply on my laptop decides its had enough and blows up. That's another estimated R350 I don't have to replace it.

Oh crap balls.

Oh let me just go into my 'in case of emergency' bank account and draw out some funds. I wish. I don't have that either.

Strange how this happens - it's like the universe says "Oh you are down, lets just kick you in the nuts where it hurts."

But hey, this is life and this shit happens. We just have to deal with it.

I believe that the universe makes plan. It always does.

Baking is not for me

I love to bake. But baking doesn't love me.

I made 'fairy' cakes which, on the recipe, states that they should be light and fluffy. Stacey's 'fairy' cakes were hard rocks. So hard that you could throw them against a wall and the wall will break. Hey - they'd be great for using as weapons!

Last night I then attempted to make bread and butter pudding. Isn't a dessert supposed to be sweet? Mine was bordering the savoury side? Weird. Let's just say that half out it, including the crusts that were not soaked as I made to little mixture, were chucked in the bin.

Is this a hint? Has my oven won the war; must I succumb to it's victory?

Bakers always say that you should know your oven. Well, I've only known mine for 2 months since I recently moved in. Best be getting more acquainted then. So how does one bring on the charm with an oven? Any flirting techniques suggestions? But isn't an oven always 'hot'?

No, thoust shalt not succumb. I'll gather my arsenal of weapons - measuring cups and bowls, wooden spoon and flour - Stacey won't be giving up on this war.

More recipe successes (or failures) to follow.

Sunday 'Stroll'

Chris and I went for a walk/hike yesterday. As you know we live on a farm and there's so many cycling, walking and hiking trails.

Now I am not one for fitness and walking up a flight of stairs will leave me gasping for air - lungs heaving, throat burning whilst I lay half-dead on the floor (the disadvantages of being a smoker.)

But we woke up wanting to do something adventurous and outdoorsy... and off we went with a 2 litre water bottle and walking stick in hand.

Wow wee I can't even explain how beautiful it was. I was in awe the whole time.So grateful to be in nature. So grateful that we live on this land and have this opportunity to go on hikes through streams, dams, bamboo forests and bush.

I didn't realise how hiking and being outdoors can make you feel so revived. And seriously, for the worry and thinker that I am, it takes your mind off anything.

Want to de-stress - go for a hike
Want to clear your mind - go for a hike
Want to feel content - go for a hike
Want to feel blessed - go for a hike

We walked for about 1.5/2 hours - about 15 to 20kms and I didn't complain once. Normally I moan and groan - "oh my feet hurt, I'm tired, I'm hot and bothered" - but none of this. The hike wasn't to extreme. I had sweaty armpits but a nice "healthy sweat glow." The whole time I was complimentary, stating I was happy I was etc.

This can become addictive!!

Next time, I'll pack the picnic basket and have a picnic in the forest. The time after that, I'll pack my swimming costume and swim in the rock pools (at least my flab can hang out, my white reflective skin can be exposed and no one will see.)

This summer is going to be full of outdoorsy moments.

I now live in the North Pole

I now live in the North Pole*

Actually I don't ... but people seem to think that I do.

Hartbeespoort Dam is a 35/40 minute drive out of Johannesburg, but people seem to think that it is FARRRR away.. as in the other side of the world.

You wouldn't believe how many comments I have received from people saying "you live so far away!"

So yes, now I live in the "North Pole" so I take it that I won't be seeing your arses anytime soon.

(In a sarcastic tone) Yes, when visiting Stacey you'll need to take the following:

A 45 minute car trip to airport.
A 12 hour flight to my area
Then a two hour bus drive
and to top it off, a 3.1536 sec car drive to my front door.

Gee whiskers - the amount of energy and effort you'll need to take to come visit me. Funny enough - it only takes me 40 minutes to get to your front door!?

Putting down roots

At some time in anyone's life, there comes a point when one settles down and puts down roots - whether it be by buying a house, starting a family, getting dogs and so on. These are all factors that cements one in one place.

I am almost 25 and have started putting down roots. This is something foreign to me.
I have always thought that I would live a nomadic life - never putting down any roots that would cement my life. My families live in Durban, Cape Town and Johannesburg. I didn't want to be cemented as I wanted the freedom to see all my family and friends.

This term of 'cementing' or 'putting down roots' or 'settling' always puts me on my nerves, making me feel anxious. I generally always fight the way of 'life routine'.

Houses, dogs and babies are things that don't allow you to just pack up and travel, or go on holidays or go and see family and friends in other places. You are bound by these responsibilities.

I have found my perfect home and adopted 6 dogs.
I want to be settled, I want to have a place where I can call home - but in the same breath, it scares me as I can no longer EASILY see family and friends as I have a house to upkeep and dogs to look after.

How do you know when it is the right time to be 'cemented' or 'settled'?
How do you not become scared at the fact that you can't easily see family and friends? And, how do you remove the guilt (feeling guilty for not being able to always see the important people in your life?)
How do you know when you are settled? Cemented?

I died today. Love, Your Puppy

*Received this via email* HEARTBREAKING

Dear Mom and Dad,

I died today. You got tired of me and took me to the shelter. They were overcrowded and I drew an unlucky number. I am in a black plastic bag in a landfill now. Some other puppy will get the barely used leash you left. My collar was dirty and too small, but the lady took it off before she sent me to the Rainbow Bridge .

Would I still be at home if I hadn't chewed your shoe? I didn't know what it was, but it was leather, and it was on the floor. I was just playing. You forgot to get puppy toys.

Would I still be at home if I had been housebroken? Rubbing my nose in what I did only made me ashamed that I had to go at all. There are books and obedience teachers that would have taught you how to teach me to go to the door.

Would I still be at home if I hadn't brought fleas into the house? Without anti-flea medicine, I couldn't get them off of me after you left me in the yard for days.

Would I still be at home if I hadn't barked? I was only saying, "I'm scared, I'm lonely, I'm here, I'm here! I want to be your best friend."

Would I still be at home if I had made you happy? Hitting me didn't make me learn how.

Would I still be at home if you had taken the time to care for me and to teach manners to me? You didn't pay attention to me after the first week or so, but I spent all my time waiting for you to love me.

I died today.

Love, Your Puppy

*Help those dogs and cats in shelters who need good homes and love.*

Stacey's Blogging Book Club

Right, I think I am going to start a blogging 'book club'.

Now, I don't read often (although would love to) but when I come across a book that grabs me it's like a train on steroids... racing through every page, every chapter like a bullet, at the speed of lightening.

In this virtual 'book club' I'll recommend some of the books I read.

Some of my ultimate favourites are:

Mushy Peas on Toast
The Notebook
and recently... (drum roll)

Rachael: Woman of the Night by Rachael Lindsay.

If you are a looking for a great read, this is it.

I went to the library the one day and got two books. And as I was about to leave, something inside me said go back and look again. I did. I found this book. It stared at me. It said "take me, take me."

I did and was en-captured in it's words ever since. After reading it, it's like I want to contact the writer and say how much she has inspired me.

In a nutshell, it's about a woman in a financial hole and she has to become an escort to in order to try support herself and her family.

It's like one of those books that you don't want to end and you feel saddened when it does.

Do yourself a favour and read it.

You'll find yourself connecting with it, resonating with it, seeing yourself in it (although you're not an escort, but her problems you will probably have experienced).

Cheers to the writer, your writing is exceptional!

I wish I didn't have to return the book to the library and keep it in my favourite pile at home - but I'd be fined 10c, for every week it's late....

Social Isolation

Oh cheeseballs... you can never win.

Why is it that when you work from an office you day dream, and yearn to work from home. "Ah, yes it would be better. Flexible time. No traffic. No petrol. The ability to do what you want. No boss breathing down your neck. No office gossip or some other employee in the next cubicle irritating the living shit out of you."

Yes, working from home sounds like the best plan.

I worked in an office. Now I work at home - it's been a few months now.

The tables have reversed. I can now see the pros and cons to both.

Yes I don't have to sit in traffic, or waste petrol (although this money that would have been saved is now used on my ever-growing phone bill phoning clients); I don't have to be watched by my boss continually or absorb any negative energy that lingers in offices. No watching the clock.

Yes, working from home has it's ups. But it also has it's downs.

Working from home, in all honesty is lonely. You have no one to chat to. Yes, you 'speak' to clients via emails or telephone calls but that constant noise of employees and friends in the office is no longer there.

I can speak to my dogs, but they don't talk back.

To add to this feeling, I now live on a farm. No cars passing or people on the streets - just the sound of nature. Yes, it's beautiful in all it's natural sounds, but I don't classify speaking to bugs or crickets or owls any form of communication.

So it's the quietness of the home office, the quietness of the farm and to add to this, I don't have normal TV or DSTV. I watch DVD's at night, but watching the same thing over and over again is brain-numbing. Watching TV, or the news at least keeps you in check with reality. Living in isolation far away from anything, makes you feel that you are not living in reality.

I also live miles away from anyone - so I don't get to see friends that much. I feel out of the loop with friends and miss opening my mouth and actually speaking; having an intellectual stimulating convo.

My mouth has been invisibly sealed. Where has my mouth gone?

I do feel socially isolated, but I guess that's what you guess when you don't work in an office; live in the bush or don't have DSTV.

I wonder how people overcome this loneliness working from home? I read an article about it - so it's obviously not just me feeling this way. I think all people who work from home have this. Whether they resort to talking to trees, or their cat I don't know.

Other than that, working from home is great.

I think I just need to see people more, go into the office a bit more and then I'll have the balance.

I need communication and social interaction.

Crickets, trees and owls - you will have no more of my communication.

Winter chills

Winter has arrived.

It hasn't knocked on the door. It has not been invited in. It has rudely gate crashed.

Hee-bee-gee-beez it's cold.

Here are some ideas to keep you warm this Winter:

Save a penny (no need to buy a hot water bottle) and allow your dog to sleep in your bed. I am adopting three dogs, so that's five in total (five hot water bottles in my bed).



Avoid your heater chowing electricity and build a fire. We have a fire place in the new house so we pretty much sorted in this respect.

Kill two birds with one stone - use the oven. When cooking dinner or your favourite roast chicken meal, open the oven door slightly and warm up. Chicken gets cooked and you get warm. Hey presto!

Make your past clothes present. Rummage through your old clothes that are pushed at the back of the cupboard and starting to smell of moth balls, and put them on. The more the layers the better. You'll look like a snow man or the Mitchelin man, but hey you'll be warm. I need to get some clothes, I have no Winter coverage.

Cuddle. No need for an electric blanket, use your partner. Chris, my hubi, is like a walking heater. One minute under the covers and it's nice and warm. Who says body heat doesn't work?

Well, now we can look forward to snuggling under the covers, drinking hot chocolate and freezing our balls off everytime we have to crawl the bathroom to pee at night. (Ladies, winter is a bitch esp when the tiolet seat is cold)

Winter is here, enjoy the Winter willies.

Country Liv'in

I'm going country.

Over the past few days my world has changed 360%. In a nutshell, I have been volunteering at HAWS (animal shelter) and have been thinking about adopting dogs. Living in an estate, this was not happening. So I sat my parents down (like a teenager sitting down with her parents about to state that she's preggers) and said that I was thinking about moving out somewhere in order to be able to foster and adopt some dogs. I wasn't planning to move out yet, maybe in a few months...

But life is a funny thing...

I went the next day to view a house on a farm (for shits and giggles - like a wanna-be bride trying on wedding dresses just to pass time) and it was luv at first sight.

I found my dream home.

Porch around the side and front of the house, massive garden, old wooden floors and pine doors, four large bedrooms and the owner said I could have many dogs. It is on Pecannut farm and the views from the house are breath-taking. There's also a fireplace too (I'm blessed). Is this not a universal sign?

It took me ONE hour to decide.

So I'm movin to the country... well... farm.

I'll be planting herbs and doing up the garden - in true farmer style with dirty pants and a plumbers crack.

Making chutneys and pastry from scratch.

Living with the bugs and the bees.

Listening to the quiet sounds of nature.

I'll also be adopting 3 dachshunds - Milton, Lady and Odis. They are gonna love it.

I'll be terribly sad to leave my folks but at least I'll know that I'll be giving these dogs a good life.

I look forward to country liv'in.... I'm sure I'll make a damn fine farmer's wife!

I know

I'm a person who has, throughout my almost 25 years of living, continued to search for 'myself'. I've always looked to books, spiritual courses, other people's opinions etc to find out who I am. I have always thought "Okay, if I read this book or if I go to this course I'll know who I am, and by the end of the book or course I'll have the answer to the question I have always been asking.... Who am I?"

I spoke to this man one night at a pub, and he gave me the key that unlocked something in my brain.

He said: "You already know. You already know that you know. You know."

I have always been hard on myself and have always thought that I needed to struggle, or go through a hard journey, to figure things out. I consciously put myself through these journeys thinking that only after such soul-searching then I would have the answers. It's like I could never have had it easy. (Notice the past tense). I could never be one of those people who had it all, and had it easy.

Well I am NOW one of those people. I have come to the realisation that I don't have to go through soul-searching to know who I am. I already do.

I know that I know.
I accept that I know.
I KNOW.

I have always felt that I was 'missing' something in my life. That I was missing 'me' as I didn't know who I was. But now that I know, I don't miss anything. I makes me feel happy.

I am content.

I am content because I know.

It's hard to explain, but just know that for the first time in my life, the weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I no longer feel that I have to struggle to find 'me'.

I know who I am. I know that I know. I accept that I know.

Customer service

This is the look I got from the person behind the desk, after waiting for long in the line at SARS (South African Revenue Services); having been notified that my request can not be done as I don't have the correct documents...



Well it wasn't a man, but it was the same posture and same emotionless expression.

Woman: You do not have the proof of residence documents so we cannot process your request

Upset Me: Are you fuck'en serious. I have waited in the line for so long and now you only tell me that I don't have the right documents. Why doesn't anyone tell me what documents to bring?

Woman: There's nothing I can do. Blank stare.

Angry me: I am going to go to your manager and tell him that this is bullshit. Noone tells anyone what to do or bring.

Woman: Shrug. Blank stare.

Vexed me: So there is nothing I can do? (a tear almost came out due to sheer frustration) What a waste of my time

Woman: Blank stare

This is the response I have been getting from a lot of people during the time of registering my business.

They don't help. They don't offer solutions. They just shrug and stare. I am sick of the stare.

I should have said: "Listen here you stupid woman, it's not my fault that working in this boring, cement-like enclosed office dulls you of any emotion."

So, winner of the best starer when it comes to no help, no solutions, no customer service goes to the emotionless woman at SARS.

The blind side to HAWS

I watched such an inspirational movie last night - The Blind Side. I recommend it to each and everyone of you.

The movie is about a white women who adopts a black boy. A movie that depicts such hope, such kindness. If everyone can be like that lady - the world is sure to be a better place.

It put firecrackers up my arse!

After watching, I spent the night in bed thinking about how I can help the world; how I could make a difference.

I decided to go to HAWS today - The Hartbeespoort Animal Welfare Society, where they keep stray/abandoned dogs and cats. I bought dog food and cat food. I did my good deed for the day. Everyone should do ONE good deed a day.



Now honestly I am the wrong person to go to a dog/animal shelter. I cry. I get attached. I feel bad for them. I swear, if I could take all those dogs home with me I would. When I have my own place, I'll have so many dogs (and geese, because of the fois gras I spoke about in a previous blog). All 97 dogs will sleep in my bed. (I'll have to get 3 double beds to have the space.)

There was this one dog, Camile. She was an oldish dachshund with a scar on her back. She broke my heart. On first glimpse I cried. I miss her. I wish I could take her home. In my heart I know one day she will be mine. My hubi bonded with another young dachshund, Milton. We'll get him too.

It's just disheartening because no one likes to adopt an older dog. Let alone an older dog with a scar. It's like old people - they are left in an old age home to wither and rot away. I will adopt her though.

Someone said to me: "Why do you put yourself through this, when you know seeing the dogs will only make you sad."

My reply: "Must I be like everyone else and turn on my blind side - turn a blind eye? I'll help HAWS, even if it means I'll be in continual heartbreak.

But I need to be committed to a cause - and HAWS it is. I thought of a great idea: the dogs need blankets, so I'll I'll cut up my old clothes in the garage and make blankets out of them.

I'm going to the shelter tomorrow.

I'm going to see Camile (I now call her Lady) and Milton and all the other dogs.

I'm going to go do my bit. I don't turn a blind eye. I hope you don't either. I hope you help in some way.

http://www.haws.co.za/

Is this a sign?

Here is a wall.

Please wait whilst I bang my head against it.

.... .... .....


It's been S-U-C-H a bad day.

My business website and emails have stopped. What comes up when trying to look at the website is some stupid hong kong, wing-wang bullshit business directory.

I can't begin to explain to you the fuck'en frustration I have dealt with today. My hosting company are beyond useless. I don't have a website = I loose business, I loose money. (That wall looks so tempting now)

I have always wanted to do my own business but I am getting so many signs that are either trying to test me to make sure that this is what I actually want to do; or they are trying to tell me that this was the wrong choice.

Sign 1:

Absolute difficulty in trying to legalise my business and register it.

Sign 2:

Reduction in job requests

Sign 3:

Website and emails are fucked

*This deserves three head hits against the wall*

It's like when a women gets engaged and the universe tests her if this is what she wants to do, or the signs are saying: "you shouldn't get married!"

Sign 1 for the wife-to-be:

Gaining weight so that the dress she bought 2 months ago, no longer fits and she resembles the muffin man

Sign 2 for the wife-to-be:

Loosing her ring

Sign 3 for the wife-to-be:

The priest cancels the service and can no longer marry them at the wedding, due to foot and mouth disease

I just keep questioning why the universe is making this whole business thing so hard for me.

Maybe I'll look on the bright side and think that after all this hard work, frustration and tears, it'll all be worth it and I'll reap my rewards.

After all, looking at the bright side is far better than banging your head against the wall.

Foie Gras

I watched Carte Blanche (a news program) the other night, where they showed the cruelty to animals which we eat.

I almost cotched in my pants. I almost cried a blue river.

Force-feeding geese; cutting off tiny chicks' beaks; putting cows in tiny cages where they sit in there own shit and aren't able to move.

I am affected. Deeply.

I have begun researching this further, even though everytime I was watch a video about this stuff it's like putting a needle in my eye - truly painful. It's hit my heart and my gut at the speed of 500km car driving.

See video below.



Foie gras (pronounced /fwɑːˈɡrɑː/ in English; French for "fat liver") is a food product made of the liver of a duck or goose that has been specially fattened. This fattening is typically achieved through gavage (force-feeding) corn.

Well I hope you rich people enjoy eating your Foie gras after watching this. Stupid French fucks who created this 'delicacy'. Let's force feed you people, stick a massive pipe down your skinny throat and see how you feel.

Here's small chicken's beak being cut off. Isn't it pretty to watch?



The people in both videos should be shot. Karma will be coming your way!

I hope this blog post reaches the world. I hope someone reads this and passes the message on. I hope together we can stop this.

I am going to make an effort to stop this.

You know, I know this sounds really cynical but if the world ends on 2012 it'll be a great thing. Us humans are a disgrace. I am applaud to be a human being. Not only do we slaughter and destroy everything around us - but we also do it in the most cruelest ways. We should be ashamed.

I am going vegetarian.

At least the worst we can do to a brocolli is boil it.